“What is a friend?” “什么是朋友？”
Many people treat the concepts in textbooks as tools for passing exams. Once the exams are over, those concepts are discarded, often referred to as “returning them to the teacher.” This habit prevents most people from carefully examining the concepts they are using. In reality, every concept in life needs to be examined, refined, upgraded, re-examined, re-refined, and upgraded again. Let’s take a simple, fundamental concept that we use throughout our lives as an example: friendship.
许多人将教科书中的概念视为通过考试的工具。一旦考试结束，这些概念就会被丢弃，通常被称为“将它们归还给老师”。这种习惯使大多数人无法仔细检查他们正在使用的概念。在现实中，生活中的每一个概念都需要被审视、提炼、升级、再审视、再提炼、再升级。让我们以一个我们一生都在使用的简单而基本的概念为例：友谊。
What is friendship? Let’s start with my own journey, so when I mention “we,” it essentially refers to me. If you find resonance with this, then it’s “we.”
什么是友谊？让我们从我自己的旅程开始，所以当我提到“我们”时，它本质上是指我。如果你与此产生共鸣，那就是“我们”。
In the beginning, although vague, there was a certain definition: Friends are those who share time with us and make us feel warm. Here, the keyword is “feel.” Yes, friendship is a feeling that warms us. I think many people can relate to this, right? Then we gradually grow up.
一开始，虽然含糊不清，但有一定的定义：朋友是那些与我们分享时间并让我们感到温暖的人。在这里，关键词是“感觉”。是的，友谊是一种温暖我们的感觉。我想很多人都能感同身受，对吧？然后我们逐渐长大。
During this process, our operating system undergoes subtle and gradual upgrades based on historical and cultural habits. Slowly, we added another criterion for friends: Friends are those who share time with us, make us feel warm, and are people we willingly invest in. Here, I used a very neutral description: “willingly invest.” You also know that this is often not possible.
在这个过程中，我们的操作系统会根据历史和文化习惯进行微妙而渐进的升级。慢慢地，我们为朋友增加了另一个标准：朋友是那些与我们分享时间，让我们感到温暖的人，是我们愿意投资的人。在这里，我用了一个非常中性的描述：“心甘情愿地投资”。您也知道这通常是不可能的。
In our northeastern hometown, this is called “guo yisi” (meaning “meaningful”). Children gradually learn another concept called “loyalty” and involuntarily blend this concept with the concept of “friend.” At that time, we were not good at thinking and did not realize that concepts like “meaningful” and “loyalty” are actually poison because they appear so beautiful.
在我们东北的家乡，这被称为“guo yisi”（意为“有意义”）。孩子们逐渐学会了另一个叫做“忠诚”的概念，并不由自主地将这个概念与“朋友”的概念融合在一起。那时候，我们不善于思考，没有意识到像“有意义”和“忠诚”这样的概念实际上是毒药，因为它们看起来太美了。
I now say it’s poison, but at that time, I really didn’t know. Why do I call it poison? Because we involuntarily added a “fair exchange” mechanism to a pure concept — the problem is, we never really thought about what fairness is. People are like this; even if we don’t know what fairness is, when unfairness occurs, we can instantly feel it.
我现在说这是毒药，但当时，我真的不知道。为什么我称它为毒药？因为我们不由自主地在一个纯粹的概念中加入了一个“公平交换”机制——问题是，我们从未真正思考过什么是公平。人就是这样;即使我们不知道什么是公平，当不公平发生时，我们也能立即感受到。
Hence, betrayal, deceit, harm, disappointment, and cynicism began. And thus, we entered a relatively chaotic period.
因此，背叛、欺骗、伤害、失望和愤世嫉俗开始了。因此，我们进入了一个相对混乱的时期。
After some time, I discovered that people are fundamentally different from one another. For most people, their living space is quite limited. Many of them are born, grow up, get married, have children, and eventually die in the same place. Even in a big city, there are people like this, from kindergarten, to primary and secondary school, to university, postgraduate study, doctorate, and employment…
一段时间后，我发现人与人之间有着根本的不同。对于大多数人来说，他们的生活空间非常有限。他们中的许多人出生、长大、结婚、生子，最终死在同一个地方。即使在大城市，也有这样的人，从幼儿园到中小学，再到大学、研究生、博士、就业……
For many people, the concepts found in textbooks are just something to cram for exams; once the exams are over, these concepts are often discarded and referred to as “returning to the teacher.” This habit prevents most individuals from critically examining the concepts they are using. In reality, every concept we encounter in life needs to be scrutinized, cleared, upgraded, re-examined, re-cleared, and upgraded again. Let’s take a very simple and fundamental concept that we use throughout our lives as an example: “friend.”
对于许多人来说，教科书中的概念只是考试的补习内容;一旦考试结束，这些概念往往被抛弃，被称为“回到老师身边”。这种习惯使大多数人无法批判性地检查他们正在使用的概念。在现实中，我们在生活中遇到的每一个概念都需要被仔细检查、清除、升级、重新检查、重新清除、再升级。让我们以一个非常简单和基本的概念为例，我们一生都在使用：“朋友”。
What is a friend, then?
那么，什么是朋友呢？
I’ll start with my own experiences, so when I refer to “we” in the following text, it’s essentially referring to myself; if you can relate, then it’s “we.”
我将从我自己的经历开始，所以当我在下面的文字中提到“我们”时，它本质上是指我自己;如果你能产生共鸣，那就是“我们”。
In the beginning, even though it was vague, we did have a certain definition:
一开始，虽然很模糊，但我们确实有一定的定义：
A friend is someone with whom we spend time and who makes us feel warm.
朋友是我们花时间在一起并让我们感到温暖的人。
There’s a word here, “feel.” Yes, friendship is a feeling, it makes us feel warm. I think many people are like me in this respect. Then we gradually grow up…
这里有一个词，“感觉”。是的，友谊是一种感觉，它让我们感到温暖。我想很多人在这方面和我一样。然后我们逐渐长大……
During this process, our operating system undergoes subtle, gradual upgrades based on historical and cultural habits. Gradually, we added another criterion for friends:
在这个过程中，我们的操作系统会根据历史和文化习惯进行微妙的、渐进的升级。渐渐地，我们为好友添加了另一个标准：
A friend is someone with whom we spend time, who makes us feel warm, and whom we willingly invest in.
朋友是我们花时间在一起的人，让我们感到温暖，我们愿意投资的人。
Here, I used a neutral description: “whom we willingly invest in.” You also know that this is often not possible.
在这里，我用了一个中性的描述：“我们愿意投资的人。您也知道这通常是不可能的。
In our hometown in northeastern China, this is called “having consideration.” Children gradually begin to learn another concept called “loyalty,” and involuntarily intertwine this concept with the concept of “friend.”
在我们东北的家乡，这叫做“有考虑”。孩子们逐渐开始学习另一个叫做“忠诚”的概念，并且不由自主地将这个概念与“朋友”的概念交织在一起。
Back then, we weren’t good at thinking, and we didn’t realize that “having consideration” or “loyalty” is actually a kind of poison because it seems so beautiful.
那时候，我们不善于思考，没有意识到“有体贴”或“忠诚”其实是一种毒药，因为它看起来太美了。
I call it poison now, but back then, I truly didn’t know. Why call it poison? Because we involuntarily added a “fair exchange” mechanism into a pure concept – the problem is, we never really thought about what fairness is. That’s just how people are; even without knowing what fairness is, it’s something we can instantly sense when unfairness occurs.
我现在称它为毒药，但那时，我真的不知道。为什么称它为毒药？因为我们不由自主地将“公平交换”机制添加到一个纯粹的概念中——问题是，我们从未真正思考过什么是公平。人们就是这样;即使不知道什么是公平，当不公平发生时，我们也能立即感觉到公平。
Then comes the betrayals, the deceptions, the hurts, the disappointments, and the cynicism. Thus, we enter a relatively chaotic period.
然后是背叛、欺骗、伤害、失望和愤世嫉俗。因此，我们进入了一个相对混乱的时期。
After a while, I discovered that people are very different. For many people, their life space is quite limited. Many of them are born, grow up, get married, have children, and even die in the same place. Even in a big city, there are people like this – kindergarten at Beida (Peking University), primary school at Beida, secondary school at Beida, undergraduate at Beida, graduate school at Beida, Ph.D. at Beida, work at Beida… I’ve actually seen people like this, not just one.
过了一会儿，我发现人与人之间有很大的不同。对于许多人来说，他们的生活空间非常有限。他们中的许多人在同一个地方出生、长大、结婚、生子，甚至死亡。即使在大城市，也有这样的人——北大幼儿园（北京大学）、北大小学、北大中学、北大本科、北大研究生院、北大博士、北大工作……我实际上见过这样的人，而不仅仅是一个人。
As for me? I was born in Hailin County, Heilongjiang Province. When I was eight, I moved to Yanji with my parents. I changed schools once in elementary school, once in junior high, and repeated a year in high school… then I left my hometown to study in Changchun. After graduating, instead of returning home, I went to Shenyang, and eventually made my way to Guangzhou before finally settling in Beijing… So, for me, “passive and long-term” seems to not exist. When I look back, even though I didn’t make many childhood friends, almost every one of them has remained in contact with me solely because I have actively maintained that contact. Maintaining relationships takes time and effort, and in any friendship, at least one person must be proactive. And that would be me, as I believe that these “costs” are inevitable and must be borne.
至于我？我出生在黑龙江省海林县。八岁时，我和父母一起搬到了延吉。小学换过一次，初中换过一次，高中复读一年……然后我离开家乡去长春读书。毕业后，我没有回国，而是去了沈阳，最终去了广州，最后定居在北京……所以，对我来说，“被动和长期”似乎不存在。当我回首往事时，尽管我没有结交很多儿时的朋友，但几乎每个人都与我保持联系，这仅仅是因为我积极地保持着这种联系。维持关系需要时间和精力，在任何友谊中，至少有一个人必须积极主动。那就是我，因为我相信这些“成本”是不可避免的，必须承担。
As a result, the definition of a friend began to change for me. In my world, a friend is someone with whom we spend time, who makes us feel warm, and whom we willingly invest in. And in this context, the idea of investment often means that I am willing to spend time and effort to actively stay connected and maintain friendships.
结果，朋友的定义开始改变。在我的世界里，朋友是我们花时间在一起的人，让我们感到温暖的人，我们心甘情愿地投资的人。在这种背景下，投资的想法往往意味着我愿意花时间和精力积极地保持联系和保持友谊。
At the same time, as my own life trajectory began to change, the definition of friends also began to gradually differentiate. “Old friends” became a special category due to their scarcity – which is actually caused by the scarcity of time. You only have this one lifetime, this one childhood, and there’s no possibility of going back… Because of the scarcity of old friends, I started to add a principle for this category: I would be cautious about establishing new cooperative relationships with them, for fear of harming this scarce existence. Not absolutely avoid, but be cautious – this is actually a form of respect.
同时，随着自身人生轨迹的开始改变，朋友的定义也开始逐渐分化。“老朋友”之所以成为一个特殊的类别，是因为他们的稀缺性——这实际上是由时间的稀缺造成的。你只有这一辈子，这一个童年，没有回去的可能……由于老朋友的稀缺，我开始为这一类人添加一个原则：我会谨慎地与他们建立新的合作关系，生怕伤害这种稀缺的存在。不是绝对避免，而是要谨慎——这实际上是一种尊重。
A sign of maturity is independence; independence means that increasingly, in life and financially, I rely less on the presence of friends. Friends become more of a spiritual need. So, I began to have a new definition for the friends I could make at this stage.
成熟的标志是独立;独立意味着在生活和经济上，我越来越不依赖朋友的存在。朋友更像是一种精神上的需要。于是，我开始对现阶段可以结交的朋友有了新的定义。
A friend is someone with whom I am willing to engage and whom I admire.
朋友是我愿意与之交往并钦佩的人。
In fact, the theme of the skewed article “Let Go of Your Ineffective Socializing” is precisely this. There are many people whom we admire and look up to, but the premise is that they are willing to engage with us.
事实上，歪曲的文章“放开你无效的社交”的主题正是这个。有很多我们钦佩和仰望的人，但前提是他们愿意与我们接触。
Because I understand a phenomenon very well – interacting takes time. And because I am someone who has long been proactive in maintaining friendships, I naturally know that sometimes, you inadvertently become a burden to others, which is not good, is it?
因为我非常了解一个现象——互动需要时间。而且因为我是一个长期积极维护友情的人，我自然知道有时候，你不经意间成为别人的负担，这不好，不是吗？
On the one hand, in the eyes of my friends, I am good at socializing; I know how to maintain existing relationships and how to actively establish new contacts with people I admire… but, to be honest, for a considerable period of time, I found that I was particularly bad at handling hierarchical relationships, and my own experiences made me lack practice in this regard – I never had a job, not a single day. After graduating from university, I went into sales, and later, I did work at New Oriental, but there, teachers were not administrative staff – they didn’t need to be present at the office at all; it was a completely hands-off mode. Therefore, whenever I had to deal with hierarchical relationships, I would inevitably make mistakes. I’ve done many, many “very inappropriate” things that made others laugh until their stomachs hurt.
一方面，在朋友眼里，我善于社交;我知道如何维持现有的关系，以及如何积极与我钦佩的人建立新的联系……但是，说实话，在相当长的一段时间里，我发现自己特别不擅长处理等级关系，而我自己的经历使我在这方面缺乏实践——我从来没有工作过，一天也没有。大学毕业后，我进入了销售行业，后来，我在新东方工作过，但在那里，老师不是行政人员——他们根本不需要在办公室;这是一种完全不干涉的模式。因此，每当我不得不处理等级关系时，我不可避免地会犯错误。我做过很多很多“非常不恰当”的事情，让别人笑到肚子疼。
So, whenever I did something, I tried to choose things that “I could do well on my own.” Teaching, writing books, building websites– they were all like this; I could do them on my own. If I didn’t know how, I would learn. I had to learn even if it was difficult, I had to squeeze out time to learn necessary skills over many years. So, at that stage, the connection between most of my friends and me was more of a spiritual connection.
所以，每当我做某件事时，我都会尝试选择“我自己可以做好”的事情。教书、写书、建网站——他们都是这样的;我可以自己做。如果我不知道怎么做，我会学习。即使困难，我也必须学习，我必须挤出时间来学习多年的必要技能。所以，在那个阶段，我和我的大多数朋友之间的联系更像是一种精神上的联系。
This situation lasted for about until I was around 35. In the subsequent years, I gradually realized that I had the ability to help some people – in fact, before that, most of the time, I was overwhelmed with my own matters. Later on, I gradually became a driving force for some people’s progress – I believe “Mastering the Art of Time” has accompanied many through their “previous lives.”
这种情况一直持续到我35岁左右。在随后的几年里，我逐渐意识到我有能力帮助一些人——事实上，在那之前，大多数时候，我都被自己的事情压得喘不过气来。后来，我逐渐成为一些人进步的推动力——我相信“掌握时间的艺术”陪伴了许多人走过他们的“前世”。
So, I updated my definition of a friend once again:
于是，我再次更新了我对朋友的定义：
A friend is someone with whom I am willing to spend time and effort, with whom I accomplish at least one thing together.
朋友是我愿意花时间和精力的人，我和他一起至少一起完成一件事。
Many of my friends are like this. In the last quarter of 2012, I met Li Lu, whom I regarded as an exceptional person. I discussed 5-6 possibilities with him whenever I could, and ultimately, he agreed to join me. Later, I brought in another friend I had known for 2-3 years on Twitter, Sha Yunzhe, and together we set up a company called Knewone. Around the same time, at a Ruby exchange meeting, I met Feng Xiaodong, who was born in the late 80s or early 90s (a kid to me), but I thought he was really talented. So, we discussed various things, and I met him for a meal almost every month, exchanging ideas about software products. Sometimes, he would fiercely criticize my perspectives. In the spring of 2014, he called me and said, “I’ve come up with something, come take a look.” I went, loved it, and decided to join in. He introduced me to the team, and I treated them to a meal which essentially served as an interview. I answered many questions and ultimately got the job, and we began working together. Another good friend is Gong Ming, who is now a well-known blockchain technology expert in China. When I met him, I felt he was different, so I kept looking for opportunities to do something together. After suggesting various ideas which weren’t quite right, I stayed in touch and discussed new ideas with him. This went on for over two years. One day, I shared a new idea with him, and this time, he said, “Hey, this can be done, and it must be done.” So, we started a company together called Mutual Insurance. Looking back, it’s a very simple and clear process to define my friendship and the definition of friendship. Attachment. Independence. Symbiosis. In this process, a friend gave me a significant reminder. This person is Huo Chui, also quite famous online. He is charming, not tall, and not very handsome, but girls were very attracted to him. Do you know why? Because he is the kind of person who can help others grow. This sounds simple, but it’s not easy to achieve. How difficult is it? Let me ask you: how many women have you seen publicly thanking their ex-boyfriends? Huo Chui is everyone’s ex-boyfriend. After meeting Huo Chui, I began to see another layer to the definition of friendship; for friends, what’s truly useful is not superficial or ambiguous “goodwill” or “loyalty,” but helping each other grow. This is the most valuable part of friendship, derived from individual growth or shared growth. So, I think there’s a class of people like me, with our unique way of making friends. For me, writing blogs and public accounts are also a way of making friends. The internet enables people to communicate thoughts beyond the limits of geographical distance. The likelihood of finding like-minded individuals nearby was originally low, but now with the internet, it has been amplified to the point where it’s inevitable to find like-minded people. Sometimes our ideas may seem crazy to people around us, but the internet can take your thoughts to places you never imagined, where some people might understand, appreciate, and grow with you. This is a remarkable phenomenon. This is a specific example of me proactively upgrading my operating system. We care deeply about whether the concepts we use are clear, accurate, necessary, and effective. We are happy to spend time and effort polishing these important concepts. In this process, we naturally develop methodologies related to these important concepts. For example, once the definition of friendship is clear, selecting friends then becomes a matter of principle, right?
我的很多朋友都是这样的。在2012年的最后一个季度，我遇到了李璐，我认为他是一个非凡的人。只要有可能，我就和他讨论了 5-6 种可能性，最终，他同意加入我。后来，我找来了另一个在Twitter上认识了2-3年的朋友沙云哲，我们一起成立了一家名为Knewone的公司。大约在同一时间，在一次 Ruby 交流会上，我遇到了 80 年代末或 90 年代初出生的冯晓东（对我来说还是个孩子），但我认为他真的很有才华。于是，我们讨论了各种各样的事情，我几乎每个月都会和他一起吃饭，交流关于软件产品的想法。有时，他会激烈地批评我的观点。2014年春天，他打电话给我说：“我想出了点东西，快来看看。我去了，喜欢它，并决定加入。他把我介绍给团队，我请他们吃了一顿饭，基本上是一次面试。我回答了很多问题，最终得到了这份工作，我们开始一起工作。另一位好朋友是龚明，他现在是国内知名的区块链技术专家。当我遇到他时，我觉得他与众不同，所以我一直在寻找机会一起做一些事情。在提出了各种不太正确的想法后，我与他保持联系并讨论了新的想法。这种情况持续了两年多。有一天，我和他分享了一个新想法，这一次，他说：“嘿，这是可以做到的，而且必须做到。于是，我们一起创办了一家名为Mutual Insurance的公司。回想起来，定义我的友谊和友谊的定义是一个非常简单明了的过程。附件。独立。共生。在这个过程中，一位朋友给了我一个重要的提醒。这个人就是霍翠，在网上也挺有名气的。 他很有魅力，个子不高，也不是很帅，但女孩们对他很有吸引力。你知道为什么吗？因为他是那种能帮助别人成长的人。这听起来很简单，但要实现并不容易。这有多难？让我问你：你见过多少女人公开感谢她们的前男友？霍翠是大家的前男友。遇见霍翠后，我开始看到友谊定义的另一层;对于朋友来说，真正有用的不是肤浅或模棱两可的“善意”或“忠诚”，而是帮助彼此成长。这是友谊最有价值的部分，来自个人成长或共同成长。所以，我认为有一类人像我一样，有我们独特的交友方式。对我来说，写博客和公众号也是结交朋友的一种方式。互联网使人们能够超越地理距离的限制来交流思想。在附近找到志同道合的人的可能性最初很低，但现在有了互联网，它已经被放大到不可避免地找到志同道合的人的地步。有时我们的想法对我们周围的人来说可能看起来很疯狂，但互联网可以把你的想法带到你从未想象过的地方，在那里有些人可能会理解、欣赏并与你一起成长。这是一个了不起的现象。这是我主动升级操作系统的一个具体例子。我们非常关心我们使用的概念是否清晰、准确、必要和有效。我们很乐意花时间和精力打磨这些重要概念。在这个过程中，我们自然而然地开发了与这些重要概念相关的方法。例如，一旦友谊的定义明确了，选择朋友就变成了一个原则问题，对吧？
My Methodology 我的方法论
Starting from my own perspective, I have a few principles when it comes to friends.
从我自己的角度来看，在朋友方面，我有一些原则。
- Spend time with old friends
与老朋友共度时光
Old friends are rare and precious. As you go through life, most of the people you meet will scatter to unknown places, but a few will remain in contact for various magical reasons. Therefore, it’s important not to lose touch with them.
老朋友难得而珍贵。在你一生中，你遇到的大多数人会分散到未知的地方，但少数人会因为各种神奇的原因保持联系。因此，重要的是不要与他们失去联系。
About ten years ago, when I first met Huo Chui, I noticed that he had a similar habit to mine – he would set aside an entire afternoon every now and then to carefully organize his address book. Our friendship deepened almost instantly because we both felt that we were kindred spirits. My habit of being the more proactive one in staying in touch is one of the important reasons many friends have remained in contact with me over the years.
大约十年前，当我第一次见到霍翠时，我注意到他有一个和我相似的习惯——他会时不时地留出一整个下午来仔细整理他的通讯录。我们的友谊几乎立即加深了，因为我们都觉得我们是志同道合的人。我习惯于更积极主动地保持联系，这是多年来许多朋友与我保持联系的重要原因之一。
Spending time means spending life. Time always passes, regardless of what you do, and it won’t give you a chance to start over just because you wasted it. Therefore, I value my time and am willing to spend it with old friends because it shows that I value them.
花时间意味着花时间。无论你做什么，时间总是会流逝的，它不会因为你浪费了它而给你重新开始的机会。因此，我珍惜我的时间，并愿意与老朋友共度时光，因为这表明我重视他们。
- Discern who is worth befriending
辨别谁值得交朋友
Many years ago, when I was still wandering around, I met an elder in a northern city, and we became close friends, often drinking and chatting together. One time, he said to me, “What’s ‘wandering around’? It means leaving home and traveling to make a living. That’s what you are, a wanderer. When you wander, you must be able to judge people. There are two kinds of people you should not associate with – first, those who are too corrupt, and second, those who treat their wives poorly.
许多年前，当我还在四处游荡时，我在北方的一个城市遇到了一位长者，我们成了好朋友，经常一起喝酒聊天。有一次，他对我说：“什么是’四处游荡’？这意味着离开家，去旅行谋生。你就是这样，一个流浪者。当你徘徊时，你必须能够判断人。有两种人你不应该交往——第一，那些太腐败的人，第二，那些对妻子不好的人。
You will encounter many officials on your journey, and those who are too corrupt will sooner or later fall. Don’t go against them, just avoid them. There’s no need to flatter them – they are too corrupt, and if you flatter them, you will become like them. Moreover, they will eventually offend someone even more corrupt and be done away with. So, even if you flatter them, it’s useless…
旅途中会遇到很多官员，太腐败的人迟早会倒台。不要反对他们，只要避开他们。没有必要奉承他们——他们太腐败了，如果你奉承他们，你就会变得像他们一样。此外，他们最终会得罪更腐败的人并被废除。所以，即使你奉承他们，也没用……
When you go to a new place and meet someone, how do you know what kind of person they are? Let me tell you a simple method – invite their whole family to dinner, observe them carefully for several times. If a person treats his wife well, then befriend him. If he treats his wife poorly, then stay away. Why? Think about it, a man’s wife is the person closest to him by kinship in his lifetime. If he doesn’t treat his wife well, how can he treat you well? It’s nonsense, and no matter what is said, it’s useless…”
当你去一个新地方遇到一个人时，你怎么知道他们是什么样的人？让我告诉你一个简单的方法——邀请他们全家吃饭，仔细观察他们几次。如果一个人对他的妻子很好，那就和他交朋友。如果他对妻子不好，那就远离。为什么？想想看，一个男人的妻子是他一生中最亲近的人。如果他对妻子不好，他怎么能对你好？胡说八道，再说什么也没用……”
Even after twenty years, I still find these words to be “a thought you might never think of if no one told you.” Since then, I’ve followed his advice. The friends I have made are all from stable families. Although some people are excellent, if they don’t know how to care for and maintain their families, I usually avoid them. The candid words of that elder guy saved me a lot of time in the years that followed. Every year, I make time to visit or at least call him if I can’t go.
即使过了二十年，我仍然觉得这些话是“如果没有人告诉你，你可能永远不会想到的想法”。从那时起，我就听从了他的建议。我结交的朋友都来自稳定的家庭。虽然有些人很优秀，但如果不知道如何照顾和维护家人，我通常会避开他们。在随后的几年里，那位老人的坦率话语为我节省了很多时间。每年，我都会抽出时间去看望他，如果我不能去，至少会打电话给他。
As time passes and I progress, I have become more selective in choosing friends, it’s simple – everyone’s time is limited, must choose carefully the people worth spending time with. I have developed a few simple standards for selecting friends:
随着时间的流逝和进步，我在选择朋友时变得更加挑剔，这很简单——每个人的时间都是有限的，必须谨慎选择值得共度时光的人。我制定了一些简单的选择朋友的标准：
- Mastery of a skill or knowledge
掌握技能或知识 - Pursuit of progress 追求进步
- Sincerity and enthusiasm
真诚和热情
These seemingly simple standards have had an amazing impact. In no time, it feels like I have an “extra” eye. Among a large group of people, I can instantly pinpoint someone who may meet my standards. Later, I added another standard:
这些看似简单的标准产生了惊人的影响。很快，我就感觉自己有了一双“额外”的眼睛。在一大群人中，我可以立即确定可能符合我标准的人。后来，我又加了另一个标准：
- A “big shot” is someone who has the ability to build their own world.
“大人物”是有能力建立自己世界的人。
These people tend to focus more on their own world rather than the external world because of their strong capabilities. When you sit across from them, you always feel like their gaze goes beyond you… This is not an illusion – their focus is not on you, but on something farther away – you and your surroundings are the external world for them.
这些人往往更关注自己的世界，而不是外部世界，因为他们的能力很强。当你坐在他们对面时，你总觉得他们的目光超越了你……这不是一种错觉——他们的注意力不在你身上，而是在更远的地方——你和你的周围环境是他们的外部世界。
Originally posted 2024-04-05 13:08:09.