criticism, debate, and hierarchy of contempt 批评、辩论和蔑视的等级制度

Criticism is something that is there whether you see it or not, acknowledge it or not, care about it or not. From the time when I first heard about the criticisms others had of me, I was still in my adolescence and unable to comprehend the complexities of the world—like most people, I felt like life was not worth living for a while. Imagine this: someone you thought was your best friend, someone you shared your deepest thoughts and feelings with, spreading lies and mistruths about you behind your back. How would you react as a young person who has yet to face the hardships of life? Physically, it was not tears that I shed, but vomit, to the point of dizziness.
批评是存在的东西，无论你是否看到它，承认与否，关心与否。从我第一次听到别人对我的批评开始，我还处于青春期，无法理解世界的复杂性——和大多数人一样，我觉得生活不值得过一段时间。想象一下：一个你认为是你最好的朋友的人，一个与你分享你最深切的想法和感受的人，在你背后散布关于你的谎言和不实之词。作为一个尚未面对生活艰辛的年轻人，你会作何反应？从身体上讲，我流的不是眼泪，而是呕吐，到了头晕的地步。

My first major shift in perspective occurred towards the end of my junior high school years. I encountered a mentor—now looking back, I realize he wasn’t particularly wise; he was just a few years older than me, with more life experience, and he gave me some pointers. As a result, I transformed almost overnight from a constantly bullied and frail kid to a brave and resourceful individual. In fact, the solution was quite simple: if you are afraid, they are too, but you can use various ways to ensure they don’t realize it. The so-called “superior emergency response” can actually be practiced in advance through various fictional scenarios and rehearsals.
我的观点第一次重大转变发生在我初中末期。我遇到了一位导师——现在回想起来，我意识到他并不是特别聪明;他只比我大几岁，生活经验丰富，他给了我一些指导。结果，我几乎在一夜之间从一个经常被欺负和虚弱的孩子变成了一个勇敢而足智多谋的人。事实上，解决方案很简单：如果你害怕，他们也害怕，但你可以使用各种方法来确保他们不会意识到这一点。所谓的“超强应急”，其实可以通过各种虚构的场景和演练，提前实践出来。

With a change in status came a change in the game. I soon discovered that criticisms are used to target the weak—those jerks wouldn’t dare to criticize obvious strong individuals, because they understood that the retaliation that follows is no joking matter. This is how I realized the first important principle in life: good and evil are actually secondary. The so-called “everyone has a scale in their hearts”—what this scale gauges is actually strength and weakness. Consequently, I understood another thing: if you are absolutely certain that the criticism is completely unjustified, then it must be because you are weak in some aspect, even if you can’t figure out exactly where at the moment. And as a result, those people think, “Even if they accuse you wrongly, it doesn’t matter,” or they simply want to turn you into a weakling by saying, “Let’s make you feel like an idiot!”
随着地位的改变，游戏规则也发生了变化。我很快发现，批评是用来针对弱者的——那些混蛋不敢批评明显的强者，因为他们明白随之而来的报复不是开玩笑的事情。這就是我如何意識到人生的第一個重要原則：善與惡實際上是次要的。所谓“每个人心中都有天平”——这个天平所衡量的，其实是强弱。因此，我明白了另一件事：如果你绝对确定批评是完全没有道理的，那一定是因为你在某些方面很弱，即使你现在无法弄清楚确切的位置。结果，这些人认为，“即使他们指责你错了，也没关系”，或者他们只是想把你变成一个弱者，说，“让我们让你觉得自己像个白痴！

So, when facing criticism, the real issue is not to argue, but to find ways to make yourself stronger. Conversely, the fact that you actually need to argue in the face of criticisms reveals another fact: you are not strong enough. It is easy to understand the feeling of not being able to bear criticism: not caring, it seems to have a significant impact; caring, it seems like it doesn’t rise to the level of legal protection, so there doesn’t seem to be much you can do. You might think that people with poor morals do not seem to be affected by their actions and continue living, while your own moral values seem to be shattered. In the end, you often hate your own lack of intelligence, unable to figure out how to do such despicable things without being caught—completely forgetting that you are actually working hard to become the kind of person you detest.
所以，在面对批评时，真正的问题不是争论，而是想办法让自己变得更强大。相反，面对批评，你实际上需要争论的事实揭示了另一个事实：你不够强大。不堪忍受批评的感觉很容易理解：不在乎，似乎有很大的影响;关心，似乎没有上升到法律保护的水平，所以你似乎无能为力。你可能会认为，道德败坏的人似乎没有受到他们行为的影响并继续生活，而你自己的道德价值观似乎被打破了。最后，你常常憎恨自己缺乏智慧，无法弄清楚如何才能在不被抓住的情况下做这种卑鄙的事情——完全忘记了你其实在努力成为你讨厌的那种人。

In fact, if you have the experience of “mediating” between two parties in a dispute, you will find that in nine out of ten cases, neither side is completely just… because the logic of the weak is always bizarre and self-consistent.
事实上，如果你有过纠纷中双方“调解”的经验，你会发现，在十有八九的案例中，任何一方都不是完全公正的……因为弱者的逻辑总是离奇的，自洽的。

Criticism, debate, and hierarchy of contempt
批评、辩论和蔑视的等级制度

In fact, who doesn’t have shortcomings? Who can please everyone without being wrongfully accused? As the saying goes, “I’m not Chinese currency, how could everyone like me?”—pretty profound.
其实，谁没有缺点呢？谁能在不被冤枉的情况下取悦所有人？俗话说，“我不是中国货币，怎么会有人喜欢我？——相当深刻。

If the criticism is too great, it means that ultimately you have not handled something properly; if the criticism is not that great, spending time defending yourself is actually a waste of time and energy, which could be better spent on something genuinely useful.
如果批评太大，那就意味着你最终没有妥善处理某件事;如果批评不是那么大，花时间为自己辩护实际上是浪费时间和精力，而这些时间和精力本可以更好地花在真正有用的事情上。

As a result, I developed another habit: If I am wrong, I admit it and figure out a way to bear the consequences—this is how a real man should be. If someone else is wrong, it’s their business to admit and make amends; it’s not my concern. If their mistake causes me harm and it cannot be legally addressed, then I am not motivated to investigate it—because I believe my time and energy are more precious; I should not waste them in such places, not even to the extent of getting angry. A great life is waiting for me, so where is the time to pay attention to these matters?
于是，我养成了另一个习惯：如果我错了，我会承认，并想办法承担后果——这才是一个真正的男人应该有的样子。如果别人错了，承认和弥补是他们的事;这不是我关心的问题。如果他们的错误对我造成了伤害，并且无法从法律上解决，那么我就没有动力去调查它——因为我相信我的时间和精力更宝贵;我不应该把它们浪费在这种地方，甚至不应该到生气的程度。美好的人生在等着我，那么哪里有时间关注这些事情呢？

By the time I graduated from junior high school, I had become someone who didn’t need to boast, yet had a mindset higher than most people’s—the ability to gracefully bypass criticism.
初中毕业时，我已经变成了一个不需要吹嘘的人，但有一种比大多数人更高的心态——优雅地绕过批评的能力。

Do I sound very ferocious? Far from it. There is one more thing—debate—I spent many years before I completely gave it up; and after giving it up, I realized how foolish I had been, it should have been given up a long time ago, really!
我听起来很凶猛吗？远非如此。还有一件事——辩论——我花了很多年才完全放弃它;放弃后，我才意识到自己是多么愚蠢，早就应该放弃了，真的！

Why are debates triggered (when two people disagree)? And even controversies (when multiple people are involved or watching)? Why do these ultimately evolve into quarrels (mainly shouting)?
为什么会引发辩论（当两个人意见不合时）？甚至是争议（当多人参与或观看时）？为什么这些最终会演变成争吵（主要是大喊大叫）？