How many stupid things have I actually done over the years? 这些年来，我到底做了多少傻事？
I won’t tell you, not even to be killed, absolutely nothing. It’s embarrassing, really, I can’t afford it at all.
我不会告诉你，甚至不会被杀，绝对不会。真是尴尬，真的，我根本买不起。
But, I’m not shy about telling everyone that I’ve done stupid things, and I don’t mind telling everyone that those things were so stupid that even just thinking about them makes me feel so ashamed that I think, “Damn it! I might as well have just banged my head and died!” Even though, as time goes by, and as I get older, the probability of doing stupid things is almost close to zero, the probability of unlucky things happening still exists.
但是，我并不羞于告诉大家我做过愚蠢的事情，我不介意告诉大家那些事情是如此愚蠢，以至于即使只是想想它们也会让我感到羞愧，以至于我想，“该死的！我还不如直接撞死我的头！尽管随着时间的流逝，随着年龄的增长，做傻事的概率几乎接近于零，但不幸的事情发生的概率仍然存在。
Rationalization is a bad habit, once you get into it, it’s hard to get rid of. Around the age of twenty-six, I decided to stop rationalizing and muster the courage to face all kinds of embarrassing realities. Why “resolve” to get rid of this bad habit? Because I found that all the stupid things I’ve done come from this bad habit of rationalization.
合理化是一个坏习惯，一旦你养成它，就很难摆脱。大约在二十六岁的时候，我决定停止合理化，鼓起勇气去面对各种尴尬的现实。为什么要“下定决心”改掉这个坏习惯？因为我发现，我做过的所有傻事，都来自于这种合理化的坏习惯。
I don’t know if you’ve had this kind of experience:
不知道你有没有这样的经历：
I felt indignant in a certain event, and I went around talking about it… But upon reflection, I realized that what I really wanted was just to “get a piece of the action.”
我对某件事感到愤慨，我到处谈论它……但经过反思，我意识到我真正想要的只是“分一杯羹”。
How stupid… Why would I do that? Because, in that moment, my foolish self could not accept the fact that “that thing really had nothing to do with me at all,” and I deluded myself by raising the flag of “fairness” and tried to get a piece of the action that didn’t belong to me. However, in the state of rationalization, many despicable actions suddenly seemed “righteous” and “upfront”; when I calmed down and started to reflect, I felt that every pore of mine was filthy… Even the sound of my breath was disgraceful.
多么愚蠢……我为什么要这样做？因为，在那一刻，我傻傻的自己无法接受“那件事真的与我一点关系都没有”的事实，我举起“公平”的旗帜自欺欺人，试图从不属于我的行动中分一杯羹。然而，在合理化的状态下，许多卑鄙的行为突然显得“正义”和“前卫”;当我冷静下来开始反思时，我觉得我的每一个毛孔都是肮脏的……甚至我的呼吸声也是可耻的。
I decided to start treating myself—realizing that this was something for me to handle on my own.
我决定开始善待自己——意识到这是我自己处理的事情。
I bought a new and expensive notebook, and prepared a special pen, and began to record all the stupid things I could recall in that notebook…
我买了一本又新的又贵的笔记本，准备了一支特制的笔，开始在那本笔记本上记录我能回忆起的所有愚蠢的事情……
Initially, every detailed recording of a stupid thing made me feel like “giving up on myself,” and sometimes I even felt that doing stupid things was quite enjoyable… Of course, that’s the terrible thing about those stupid things.
最初，每详细记录一件傻事，都让我觉得“放弃自己”，有时甚至觉得做傻事还挺过瘾的……当然，这就是那些愚蠢的事情的可怕之处。
In less than two weeks, I had almost filled a whole book… And then I slowly began to feel a sense of relief. It’s really strange, writing it out was like expelling it. Holding the notebook, looking at those words, it was as if those things happened to someone else. I started to imagine it was a sincere novel, and I was a reader from another world, occasionally smiling or crying.
在不到两周的时间里，我几乎读满了一整本书……然后我慢慢地开始感到如释重负。真的很奇怪，写出来就像开除一样。拿着笔记本，看着那些字，就好像那些事情发生在别人身上一样。我开始想象这是一本真诚的小说，我是来自另一个世界的读者，偶尔微笑或哭泣。
Recording has its benefits. It becomes a benchmark, an obvious benchmark, placed there. When you have stupid thoughts again, it will involuntarily make you search your brain for the previously stupid behavior recorded there, and then, those stupid thoughts are difficult to transform into stupid actions—even, those recordings are like a filter, directly filtering out many stupid thoughts, to the extent that you don’t even realize it.
录音有其好处。它变成了一个基准，一个明显的基准，放在那里。当你再次产生愚蠢的想法时，它会不由自主地让你的大脑搜索之前记录在那里的愚蠢行为，然后，那些愚蠢的想法很难转化为愚蠢的行为——甚至，那些记录就像一个过滤器，直接过滤掉了许多愚蠢的想法，以至于你甚至没有意识到。
To completely cure myself, I used another method. I apologized to myself for all the stupid things I had done in the past. I once had a “friend” who, due to my foolishness at the time, no longer considered me a friend. I inquired everywhere, and finally contacted this person on QQ, and then sent a message, “I’m sorry!” The reply I got was only, “You’re insane!”
为了彻底治愈自己，我使用了另一种方法。我为自己过去做过的所有愚蠢的事情道歉。我曾经有一个“朋友”，由于我当时的愚蠢，他不再把我当朋友。我到处打听，最后在QQ上联系到了这个人，然后发了一条消息，“对不起！我得到的回答只是：“你疯了！
In this process, I had already figured out a truth:
在这个过程中，我已经摸清了一个道理：
People always make mistakes—fundamentally speaking, for most people, it’s just bad luck, because intentionally making mistakes is something bad people do, not within our consideration.
人总是会犯错——从根本上说，对大多数人来说，这只是运气不好，因为故意犯错是坏人会做的事情，不在我们的考虑范围内。
After making a mistake, most people only apologize verbally. What’s worse is trying to cover up, lying, or trying to prove that the other person is not a good person… These people are almost bad people, and the next step is, after apologizing verbally and not being forgiven, they say that you’re petty, lacking grace, or insincere, which makes these people worse than bad people.
犯错后，大多数人只会口头道歉。更糟糕的是试图掩盖、撒谎或试图证明对方不是一个好人……这些人几乎都是坏人，下一步就是，口头道歉不被原谅后，就说你小气、缺乏风度、或者不真诚，这让这些人比坏人还糟糕。
Only a few people, upon realizing they have made a mistake, immediately apologize verbally, and then begin to apologize and make amends through their actions, until everything returns to its original state, or even better than before—this may require a lot of effort, but they know that this is something they must do, otherwise they would no longer be themselves.
只有少数人，在意识到自己犯了错误后，立即口头道歉，然后开始道歉，通过行动弥补，直到一切都恢复到原来的状态，甚至比以前更好——这可能需要付出很多努力，但他们知道这是他们必须做的事情，否则他们就不再是自己了。
When I heard that “You’re insane!” although I am no longer who I was in the past, in reality, now, any action on my part is futile, and it might even become a burden to the other person. I started to understand that this apology can only be borne by me for the rest of my life.
当我听到“你疯了！”时，虽然我不再是过去的我，但实际上，现在，我的任何行动都是徒劳的，甚至可能成为对方的负担。我开始明白，这个道歉只能由我一辈子来承担。
“Live with it!”— this is the most soul-stirring line I heard in a movie. Yeah, many things, in the end, remain there, good or bad, it doesn’t matter, what matters is that they remain with you for the rest of your life.
“忍受它！”——这是我在电影中听到的最动人心的台词。是的，很多事情，最终都会留在那里，无论好坏，都没关系，重要的是它们会伴随你一辈子。
It took me several years to finally feel a bit cleaner and fresher and therefore to feel like I truly reborn.
我花了几年时间才终于感觉更干净、更清新，因此感觉自己真的重生了。
After those years, I started to become more tolerant—truly tolerant—because I am a “reformed character.” That “rationalization” was like a cage, and then some? It’s even a “panopticon,” but I walked out of it, like a successful jailbreak, of course understanding how difficult it was to get out and how bitter it was inside, isn’t it?
在那些年之后，我开始变得更加宽容——真正的宽容——因为我是一个“改革者”。这种“合理化”就像一个笼子，然后是一些？它甚至是一个“全景图”，但我走出了它，就像一次成功的越狱一样，当然明白出去有多困难，里面有多痛苦，不是吗？
Panopticon, also known as a circular prison or a panoramic prison, is a type of prison design proposed by the British philosopher Jeremy Bentham in 1785. It consists of a circular building divided into individual cells, with the outer side of each cell facing the outer wall for lighting, and the inner side facing a central tower for surveillance. This design allows a single watchman in the tower to observe all the prisoners in their cells without them being able to see the watchman, creating a sense of constant surveillance and reducing the need for a large number of watchmen.
Panopticon，也称为圆形监狱或全景监狱，是英国哲学家杰里米·边沁（Jeremy Bentham）于1785年提出的一种监狱设计。它由一个圆形建筑组成，分为单独的牢房，每个牢房的外侧面向外墙进行照明，内侧面向中央塔楼进行监控。这种设计允许塔中的一名守望者观察牢房中的所有囚犯，而他们无法看到守望者，从而营造出一种持续监视的感觉，并减少了对大量守望者的需求。
“Self-improvement” is not just a logical cliché to me anymore, but a clear practice. In fact, it’s actually a kind of “selfish practice.” Being strict with oneself is equivalent to increasing one’s own efficiency, while being strict with others is equivalent to decreasing one’s own efficiency. At the same time, being strict with others often leads to thoughts like “Why should they benefit?” or “Why should I be a good person?” These are foolish ideas that are especially easy to act on.
“自我提升”对我来说不再只是一个合乎逻辑的陈词滥调，而是一种明确的实践。事实上，这实际上是一种“自私的做法”。对自己严格，就等于提高自己的效率，对别人严格，就等于降低自己的效率。同时，对他人严格要求往往会导致诸如“他们为什么要受益？”或“我为什么要做一个好人？”这样的想法。这些都是愚蠢的想法，特别容易付诸行动。
Another side effect of successful self-therapy is that I am no longer afraid of pursuing progress. This is the greatest “unexpected gain” (surprise). I am starting to truly understand the saying, “It’s normal to do foolish things when you’re young” — more than “normal,” it’s almost “inevitable.” Everyone makes some kind of foolish mistakes as they grow up, but the key is whether a person can grow to take responsibility and correct those mistakes – most people cannot.
成功的自我治疗的另一个副作用是，我不再害怕追求进步。这是最大的“意外收获”（surprise）。我开始真正理解这句话，“年轻时做傻事很正常”——不仅仅是“正常”，它几乎是“不可避免的”。每个人在成长过程中都会犯一些愚蠢的错误，但关键是一个人能否成长为承担责任并纠正这些错误——大多数人都做不到。
Later, I came across the theory of Carol Dweck, a professor who believed that people’s views on ability and intelligence fall into two categories: the “entity view” and the “incremental view.” Those with an “entity view” believe that abilities and intelligence are fixed, while those with an “incremental view” know that these are acquired gradually and can be limitless. The difference in these two views has an unimaginable impact.
后来，我遇到了卡罗尔·德韦克（Carol Dweck）教授的理论，她认为人们对能力和智力的看法分为两类：“实体观”和“增量观”。那些具有“实体观点”的人认为能力和智力是固定的，而那些具有“增量观点”的人则知道这些是逐渐获得的，并且可能是无限的。这两种观点的差异产生了难以想象的影响。
After this therapy, I’ve gradually come to realize that in many cases, seizing the moral high ground is a foolish thing to do. Right is right, wrong is wrong; good is good, bad is bad – factual judgment does not change based on whether you occupy the moral high ground. People who seize the moral high ground are simply governed by the psychology of “self-deception.” I’m no longer afraid of being criticized by others using moral reasons, and I even start to be lazy to argue. Their interference is simply based on the illusion that their interference is effective, and it wouldn’t be beneficial for me to be influenced by them.
经过这种治疗，我逐渐意识到，在许多情况下，占据道德制高点是一件愚蠢的事情。对就是对，错就是错;好就是好，坏就是坏——事实判断不会因为你是否占据道德制高点而改变。占据道德制高点的人，只是被“自欺欺人”的心理所支配。我不再害怕被别人以道德为由批评，我甚至开始懒得争论。他们的干涉只是基于他们的干涉是有效的错觉，受他们的影响对我没有好处。
In the years that followed, I continued to contemplate the concept of self-confidence, as I still felt insufficiently confident. I found that focusing on the present only brought about shortcomings and comparisons with others, leading to a false sense of happiness. Instead, the focus should be on comparing the present with the future, rather than with others’ situations. Essentially, I transformed from being someone with an “entity view” to being someone with an “incremental view” – isn’t this evolution?
在随后的几年里，我继续思考自信的概念，因为我仍然感到不够自信。我发现，专注于当下只会带来缺点和与他人的比较，导致一种虚假的幸福感。相反，重点应该放在将现在与未来进行比较，而不是与他人的情况进行比较。从本质上讲，我从一个具有“实体视图”的人转变为一个具有“增量视图”的人——这难道不是进化吗？
Reflecting on oneself is truly a daunting task, even though it may sound easy when spoken about. It takes a lot of effort to realize that self-doubt is natural and inevitable. I eventually found another breakthrough after a long time.
反省自己确实是一项艰巨的任务，尽管在谈论时听起来很容易。要意识到自我怀疑是自然和不可避免的，需要付出很多努力。经过很长一段时间，我终于找到了另一个突破口。
I had a long-time friend who once inadvertently annoyed me with a misunderstanding from him, which almost led me to break off the friendship with him. The so-called misunderstanding actually had nothing to do with me at all, so fundamentally, I shouldn’t have cared about it and should have been able to remain calm and forgiving. However, everyone has emotions, and no one is a perfect machine, so for a considerable period of time, I felt quite irritated whenever I thought about it. However, during this process, I learned that he had achieved considerable success in something, and at that moment, I genuinely felt happy for him.
我有一个老朋友，有一次他不经意间惹恼了我，因为他的误会，差点导致我与他的友谊断绝。所謂的誤會，其實與我完全沒有關係，所以從根本上說，我本不應該在意，應該能夠保持冷靜和寬恕。然而，每个人都有情绪，没有人是完美的机器，所以在相当长的一段时间里，每当我想到它时，我都会感到非常烦躁。然而，在这个过程中，我了解到他在某件事上取得了相当大的成功，那一刻，我真的为他感到高兴。
As I hummed a tune in the shower, it suddenly dawned on me that I should actually be happy for myself, because I had freed myself completely:
当我在淋浴时哼着一首曲子时，我突然意识到，我真的应该为自己感到高兴，因为我已经完全解放了自己：
Being able to genuinely feel happy for the progress and success of others signifies that I have finally gained true self-confidence.
能够真正为他人的进步和成功感到高兴，意味着我终于获得了真正的自信。
This was a perspective I had never examined in my many years in the past. Throughout those years, even though I prided myself on being logically rigorous, I occasionally carelessly compared “my current situation” with “someone else’s future,” arriving at inevitably discouraging conclusions.
这是我过去多年从未研究过的观点。在那些年里，尽管我以逻辑严谨而自豪，但我偶尔会不经意地将“我目前的处境”与“别人的未来”进行比较，得出不可避免的令人沮丧的结论。
To clarify further, at certain moments before this, I had a dark mindset (although my observation is that most people are like this):
为了进一步澄清，在此之前的某些时刻，我有一种黑暗的心态（尽管我的观察是大多数人都是这样的）：
I wasn’t afraid of others’ success; I was afraid that others, especially those around me, would succeed before me. I didn’t doubt that I would succeed eventually; I was afraid that others’ success would overshadow my own.
我不怕别人的成功;我害怕别人，尤其是我周围的人，会比我先成功。我毫不怀疑我最终会成功;我害怕别人的成功会盖过我自己的成功。
Encountering problems in life is like encountering a locked door: the key is definitely not in the door, otherwise the door would have opened when the key was turned. When faced with a door that won’t open, one should look for the key elsewhere instead of staring blankly at the door. The time spent looking for the key could be short or long. I spent over thirty years searching for the key to “completely eliminate self-doubt” before realizing how foolish I had been once I found it!
生活中遇到问题就像遇到一扇锁着的门：钥匙肯定不在门里，否则钥匙一转就开了。当面对一扇打不开的门时，应该在其他地方寻找钥匙，而不是茫然地盯着门。寻找钥匙所花费的时间可短可长。我花了三十多年的时间寻找“彻底消除自我怀疑”的钥匙，然后才意识到我找到它是多么愚蠢！
The measure of true self-confidence in a person lies in whether they can genuinely feel happy for the success of others with no hidden resentment. Once you understand this principle, you can “beat around the bush” using a psychological trick. When someone succeeds, whether friend or foe (to be honest, in this era where there’s no need for “fighting to the death to gain enough resources,” most of the time, I don’t see anyone as an enemy), try to be genuinely happy for them, even if you have to pretend at first, and eventually “trick” your brain into feeling genuinely happy. By repeatedly simulating the actions of “true self-confidence,” you will reach a state of true self-confidence more quickly—this is a particularly common “trick.”
衡量一个人真正自信的标准在于，他们是否能真正为他人的成功感到高兴，而没有隐藏的怨恨。一旦你理解了这个原理，你就可以使用心理技巧“拐弯抹角”。当有人成功时，无论是朋友还是敌人（老实说，在这个不需要“拼死争夺足够资源”的时代，大多数时候，我不认为任何人是敌人），试着真正为他们感到高兴，即使你一开始不得不假装，并最终“欺骗”你的大脑感到真正的快乐。通过反复模拟“真正自信”的行为，你会更快地达到真正自信的状态——这是一个特别常见的“技巧”。
Originally posted 2024-04-05 12:01:17.