Why couldn’t you eventually change yourself? 为什么你最终不能改变自己？
A friend kindly gifted me a book, with the commanding title, “This Book Can Make You Quit Smoking”. After a period of time, he asked me on WeChat, “Have you read the book?” At the other end of the screen, I lit a cigarette, thought for a moment, and replied, “No.” He asked again, “Why not?” I took a deep breath, not of frustration, but of smoke, carefully considering my words. On one hand, I wanted to tell the truth, but on the other hand, I didn’t want to disappoint my friend’s good intentions.
一位朋友好心地送了我一本书，书名是“这本书可以让你戒烟”。过了一段时间，他在微信上问我：“你看过这本书吗？在屏幕的另一端，我点燃了一支烟，想了一会儿，回答说：“没有。他又问：“为什么不呢？我深吸了一口气，不是因为沮丧，而是因为抽烟，仔细考虑我的话。一方面，我想说实话，但另一方面，我不想辜负我朋友的好意。
“What if I did and then actually quit smoking?” In truth, I knew that even if I read it, I still wouldn’t quit. This is not a joke. I am well aware that “I should quit smoking,” but I have also realized countless times, “I just don’t want to quit smoking” – this is the real reason why my attempts to quit smoking have failed, fundamentally speaking, the opposite is the truth: I have successfully persisted in smoking!
“如果我戒了烟，然后真的戒烟了呢？”事实上，我知道即使我读了它，我仍然不会放弃。这不是开玩笑。我很清楚“我应该戒烟”，但我也无数次意识到，“我只是不想戒烟”——这就是我戒烟尝试失败的真正原因，从根本上说，事实恰恰相反：我成功地坚持吸烟了！
To many, is this a form of weakness? However, the explanation that it is merely “fear of change” may be overly simplistic, right? Don’t laugh at me. The truth is, I’m not afraid of being laughed at – from my observation, everyone has something they steadfastly refuse to change, in one area or another. In my entire life, I haven’t met anyone with the ability to alter (improve) every aspect of themselves at will – perhaps it’s due to my limited experiences?
对许多人来说，这是一种软弱吗？然而，仅仅是“害怕改变”的解释可能过于简单化了，对吧？不要嘲笑我。事实是，我不怕被嘲笑——根据我的观察，每个人都有他们坚定拒绝改变的东西，在一个或另一个领域。在我的一生中，我没有遇到过任何有能力随意改变（改善）自己各个方面的人——也许是因为我的经验有限？
Nevertheless, I have truly changed and improved in many aspects – these are not just mere words, but real actions. In various areas: in my youth, I was extremely irritable, now, I am extremely patient. Before, I had a hot temper, now my temper is so good that my friends deliberately provoke me because they know I hardly ever get angry. Before the age of thirty, I was thin to the point of being weak, after thirty, I sculpted myself into a strong man at the gym… Despite smoking increasingly, it seems that it hasn’t hindered me in truly improving myself in other aspects.
尽管如此，我在许多方面确实有所改变和改进——这些不仅仅是口头上的，而是实际的行动。在各个领域：在我年轻的时候，我非常烦躁，现在，我非常有耐心。以前，我脾气暴躁，现在我的脾气很好，以至于我的朋友故意挑衅我，因为他们知道我几乎从不生气。三十岁之前，我瘦到虚弱的地步，三十岁以后，我在健身房把自己塑造成一个强壮的男人……尽管吸烟越来越多，但似乎并没有妨碍我在其他方面真正提高自己。
Change is almost everyone’s desire. Who doesn’t want to become a little better? Who doesn’t know that wanting to become better requires effort? Who hasn’t made countless resolutions? And yet, what does this term from acronym-based vocabulary contain? How much resignation and pain does it contain when others ridicule you using it?
改变几乎是每个人的愿望。谁不想变得更好一点？谁不知道想要变得更好需要努力？谁没有下过无数的决心？然而，这个来自首字母缩略词的词汇包含什么？当别人用它嘲笑你时，它包含多少无奈和痛苦？
The most fundamental reason for the inability to change is the unwillingness to change. To understand the deepest inclinations of one’s heart, there is a particularly interesting method. Take out a paper and pen, list the potential downsides if you really change after – Note, not the benefits, but the downsides. The more detailed the list, the better, even taking a long time to continuously make a list, until there’s truly nothing else you can think of… This is actually to enable one to understand oneself better.
无法改变的最根本原因是不愿意改变。要了解一个人内心最深处的倾向，有一个特别有趣的方法。拿出纸和笔，列出潜在的缺点，如果你真的改变了 – 注意，不是好处，而是缺点。清单越详细越好，甚至需要很长时间才能连续列出清单，直到你真的想不出其他东西……这实际上是为了让一个人更好地了解自己。
What comes next is even more amusing: take a coin, silently pray, if it’s heads, change, if it’s tails, don’t change… then throw it and wait for “the arrangement of fate”… and at that moment when the result comes out, you will know the true thoughts in your innermost self because when “the arrangement of fate” and what you actually wanted are different, in that instant, you’ll feel the impulse to throw the coin again! If you truly don’t want to change, then let it be.
接下来的事情更有趣：拿一枚硬币，默默祈祷，如果是正面，就换，如果是反面，就不要换……然后扔掉它，等待“命运的安排”……而在结果出来的那一刻，你就会知道内心深处的真实想法，因为当“命运的安排”和你真正想要的不一样时，在那一瞬间，你会有再次抛硬币的冲动！如果你真的不想改变，那就顺其自然吧。
Do not force yourself, especially when even a coin can tell you the truth. People all have their own ‘problems’, this isn’t anything exceedingly significant. People are extremely forgiving animals (or can be likened to machines) and this world is often a forgiving system as well. Not only can people continue to live well in problematic situations, the world can continue to run in problematic situations. That’s just how it is.
不要勉强自己，尤其是当一枚硬币可以告诉你真相时。人们都有自己的“问题”，这并不是什么特别重要的事情。人是极其宽容的动物（或者可以比作机器），这个世界通常也是一个宽容的系统。人们不仅可以在有问题的情况下继续生活得很好，世界也可以继续在有问题的情况下运行。就是这样。
Knowing your flaws and knowing that you cannot change them is not the worst situation. The worst situation is believing that you don’t have flaws, or even thinking that you are perfect – that is the truly intolerable flaw.
知道自己的缺点并知道自己无法改变它们并不是最糟糕的情况。最糟糕的情况是相信自己没有缺点，甚至认为自己是完美的——这才是真正无法容忍的缺点。
Wanting to change but ultimately failing is largely caused by “mistakenly thinking that change is instantaneous.”
想要改变但最终失败，很大程度上是由于“错误地认为改变是瞬间的”。
Change is often a process and a very long one at that, not something that can be accomplished in an instant. Most changes that can be instant are often not very meaningful. For example, altering your posture for a brief moment (which is also a process, albeit a short one) is easy, but not very significant. Conversely, completely correcting a habitual, incorrect posture takes a long time and is definitely meaningful. However, because this is a long-term process, the difficulty of this change is substantially increased.
改变通常是一个过程，而且是一个非常漫长的过程，而不是可以在瞬间完成的事情。大多数可以即时更改的更改通常不是很有意义。例如，在短时间内改变你的姿势（这也是一个过程，尽管是一个短暂的过程）很容易，但不是很重要。相反，完全纠正习惯性的、不正确的姿势需要很长时间，而且绝对是有意义的。但是，由于这是一个长期的过程，因此这种变化的难度大大增加。
The world is dynamic, yet people tend to think and understand it in a static manner. There is an idiom story that you may not immediately associate with this: “Carve the Boat to Seek the Sword”. This story is not a fabrication but a real event that occurred in that era. Failing to distinguish between the static and the dynamic is not a misconception exclusive to modern times, nor is it a misconception that was resolved many years ago. This misconception has persisted for a long time in various forms, making it hard to defend against.
世界是动态的，但人们倾向于以静态的方式思考和理解它。有一个成语故事，你可能不会立即联想到：“雕刻船寻求剑”。这个故事不是捏造的，而是发生在那个时代的真实事件。无法区分静态和动态不是现代独有的误解，也不是多年前就已经解决的误解。这种误解以各种形式持续了很长时间，使其难以防御。
Making a decision is a momentary event, but it’s the subsequent actions that fill in the entire non-momentary process. If you truly understand this, then you can skip the momentary decision to make a resolution – it’s unnecessary. Simply starting to act is the key.
做出决定是一个瞬间的事件，但随后的行动填补了整个非瞬间的过程。如果你真的理解这一点，那么你可以跳过做出决议的瞬间决定——这是不必要的。简单地开始行动是关键。
After unlocking this key, everything becomes clear:
解锁此密钥后，一切都变得清晰：
Change is a process. 改变是一个过程。
Change is difficult to see at the outset.
变化从一开始就很难看到。
Change takes enough time and therefore, requires enough patience.
改变需要足够的时间，因此需要足够的耐心。
By the time the change appears, it has already consumed a lot of time, energy, and patience.
当变化出现时，它已经消耗了大量的时间、精力和耐心。
Seeing your own change will give you more confidence. Change is a process, and gaining and accumulating confidence is also a process. When seeing others who have changed, you won’t blindly envy them because you, who have truly changed, know what that entails.
看到自己的变化会让你更有信心。改变是一个过程，获得和积累信心也是一个过程。当看到别人改变时，你不会盲目地羡慕他们，因为真正改变的你知道这意味着什么。
Most crucially, because you understand that change is a process and that it’s not immediately apparent at the outset, you won’t mistakenly assume that the people around you have not changed. You also won’t feel surprised or regretful upon suddenly noticing a friend’s obvious change many years later. Exerting too much force from the start basically portends failure.
最关键的是，因为你明白改变是一个过程，而且它一开始并不明显，所以你不会错误地认为你周围的人没有改变。多年后突然注意到朋友的明显变化，你也不会感到惊讶或后悔。从一开始就用力过大基本上预示着失败。
Everyone knows what happens when you run a long race like a short sprint. However, this doesn’t mean that everyone understands that “you shouldn’t use the short sprint approach for a long race in any field…” Presumably, this is because some individuals aren’t good at making analogies or drawing connections.
每个人都知道当你像短跑一样进行长跑时会发生什么。然而，这并不意味着每个人都明白“你不应该在任何领域使用短距离冲刺方法进行长距离比赛……”据推测，这是因为有些人不擅长进行类比或建立联系。
A very obvious example is that after becoming parents, most people invest too much during their children’s 0-3 years, draining their resources by the time the children reach 15-18, and often their children have become a “real burden.”
一个非常明显的例子是，成为父母后，大多数人在孩子0-3岁的时候投入过多，到孩子15-18岁时耗尽了他们的资源，往往他们的孩子已经成为一个“真正的负担”。
Exerting too much force also has another downside: distorted actions…
用力过猛还有另一个缺点：扭曲的动作……
So, many parents take pride in their children; pushing a little harder, they boast about their children – this is already starting to become annoying. Pushing even harder, they make their children the embodiment of their unfulfilled wishes – this has already become pitiful…
因此，许多父母为他们的孩子感到自豪;再努力一点，他们吹嘘自己的孩子——这已经开始变得烦人了。他们更加努力地推动，让自己的孩子成为他们未实现的愿望的化身——这已经变得可怜了……
In my experience, I think fitness training is one of the easiest changes because it has very few external limiting factors and almost completely does not depend on luck. Despite this, many people still fail in this simplest of changes. How do they fail? It’s due to exerting too much force from the start…
根据我的经验，我认为健身训练是最简单的改变之一，因为它几乎没有外部限制因素，几乎完全不依赖于运气。尽管如此，许多人仍然在这个最简单的改变中失败了。他们是如何失败的？这是由于从一开始就用力过猛……
Telling everyone, “I am going to change!” from all directions.
从四面八方告诉每个人，“我要改变！
Buying a lot of coordinating clothing, equipment, and tools…
购买大量配套服装、设备和工具……
Being overly diligent in the early stages, to the point of not even giving oneself a chance to breathe…
前期过于勤奋，甚至连喘息的机会都没有……
This kind of excessive effort actually has many other side effects. Because telling everyone “I’m going to change” everywhere, directly leads to facing more ridicule in the future – everyone hates it when others change while they themselves do not… Don’t think that this is just other people’s dark psychology, in fact, if you think about it, you also have this behavior! Because too much economic investment in the early stages will lead to economic crisis in the later stages; because too much energy is invested in the early stages, there will be a lack of energy in the later stages… Because of excessive diligence in the early stages, many things that should be done are squeezed out, so these things that should have been done but were not done will eventually gather together to retaliate against you. Don’t believe it, just wait and see!
这种过度的努力实际上还有许多其他副作用。因为到处告诉大家“我要改变”，直接导致未来面临更多的嘲笑——每个人都讨厌别人改变而自己没有……不要以为这只是别人的阴暗心理，其实仔细想想，你也有这种行为！因为前期经济投入过多，后期会导致经济危机;因为前期投入了太多的精力，后期就会缺力……因为前期的过度勤奋，很多该做的事情被挤出来了，所以这些本该做却没做的事，最终会聚在一起报复你。不信，拭目以待吧！
Never exert too much force. The key to avoiding this misunderstanding lies in calmly accepting your initial weakness. Since change is a process, you can understand “change” as a force, a force that is initially quite weak. It needs time, investment, and continuous investment to gradually grow stronger. It’s just like a flower, if you give it too much water at the beginning, it will drown!
切勿用力过猛。避免这种误解的关键在于冷静地接受你最初的弱点。由于变化是一个过程，你可以将“变化”理解为一种力量，一种最初相当微弱的力量。它需要时间、投资和持续的投入，才能逐渐壮大。它就像一朵花，如果一开始给它太多的水，它就会淹死！
For most people, many “deep-rooted” beliefs are actually just “rationalized explanations” after a failed change… Everyone is the same, in the aftermath of failure, the most needed thing is a rational explanation. The simplest, most direct, and most effective explanation is:
对于大多数人来说，许多“根深蒂固”的信念实际上只是改变失败后的“合理化解释”……每个人都是一样的，在失败之后，最需要的就是一个理性的解释。最简单、最直接、最有效的解释是：
I don’t have that gene!
我没有那个基因！
I don’t have that talent!
我没有那个天赋！
I don’t have that destiny?
我没有那个命运？
Once you think of this, it becomes the proven correct endpoint… a warm dead end.
一旦你想到这一点，它就变成了被证明正确的终点……一个温暖的死胡同。
Originally posted 2024-04-06 09:58:36.